My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
