I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
