All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
