She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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