OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
