We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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