You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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