another moral hangover. fuck.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
