When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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