We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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