I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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