Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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