no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
