Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
