How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
