I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
