her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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