Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
