were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize