The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
