idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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