i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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