im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i think i have herpe
just one?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
