This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
