I'm lost and stupid without you.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
