you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
