i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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