i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
