and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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