i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
