all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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