Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
