Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Are we still banned from the library?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
