If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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