Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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