Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
