Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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