I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize