ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
