i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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