i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
