i don't like sucking hair
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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