She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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