hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
