Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
