Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
