At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize