I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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