I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
