hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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