jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
