it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
