Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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