What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
