my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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