Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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