I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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