everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
