I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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