he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
