Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
