looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
