So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
