I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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