It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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