So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
