i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
