Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I forget how to act sober
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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