Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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