In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Randomize