Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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