Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
