i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
