Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
