youre lurking in front of me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I stole a fireplace last night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
