i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
